Frodo

Frodo is my cat. I got the name from the hobbit in "The Lord of the Rings." He is always within arms reach whenever I am home. He loves to watch me; especially when I am cleaning my apartment. I look at him and say: "But Frodo, you can't help because you only have paws. He gives me a big yawn, stretches and goes in search of his ball. He brings it to me and drops it at my feet. I throw it and he retrieves it just like a dog and I throw it yet again. He never gets tired of this game. I call him my little puppy; the cat who wanted to become a dog. Next step, was to try him on a leash although he hasn't had his shots for sauntering outdoors. My doctor, wanted to see if Frodo would walk beside me like a dog but it costs extra for shots to lead a life in the great outdoors. So, Frodo is confined to the apartment; "a condo cat," as my brother put it.
Frodo can be a lap cat at times. He decides when to jump on your lap and cuddle with you. You can't force a cat to snuggle. They're too independent for that. If I sleep in, Frodo will decide it is time for me to get up by licking my face. His tongue is rough; better to clean themselves with. I get up and he wants to play ball.
When I first got him, I had him blessed by a priest and my friends daughter asked if I got Frodo baptized. I wish. I just happen to believe animals go to heaven. To quote James Herriot: "If animals had souls, the world would be a lot better off." I believe that my mother is up there playing with a Jack Rustle Terrier; her favorite dog.

I am WHAT?

"A hundred and thirty five pounds form ninety pounds? That's unreal! There must be some mistake. Sure you got the right body." I just found out about my weight a few weeks before my mother dies. Maybe I am to follow her footsteps. Gaining weight is about getting old. My mom found comfort in food, just as I am findi g comfort in food. I am forty now, and when I found out the I needed bifocals, I thought it must be age. But my sister said, "don't look at it that way. It's just a change." Yeah I know there are ways you can distort your thinking. At yesterday's group meeting, I though my self portrait, "Kermit the frog," was crooked and all my other paintings were straight because I am now crooked and am not sure how to deal with mom's death. She was the sweetest woman there could be and so kind. She didn't want to hurt a fly. I miss her tremendously. She was the perfect mom. I'm just glad that I didn't wind up in Homewood; a mental health and addictions hospital. I guess you can say I accept my mother's death. I feel like I am living in a dream world but it is better than losing your marbles.

Something about cats!

I have a cat Frodo. I love him to death. He is so important to me that I just might forgo the option of joining a convent although, I'd think I'd be happy there. It is kind of risky business; this faith of mine. One day I hate it and the next day I feel like I'm married to the church. The convent is in St. Agatha and it is a cloistered convent, so you don't get out that much; except maybe for the odd doctor's appointment. I couldn't leave Frodo. I already abandoned a cat and I cried for a whole year. Frodo is more than a pet. He is my way of life. When he runs for his ball, I giggle and then he comes back to me asking me to throw it again. Can anyone abandoned that much unconditional love? I don't think so.
I was in church yesterday, reciting the Gloria when all of a sudden, a black cat walked past me. I started to giggle and the priest was trying hard not to laugh too. Some holy cat! Somebody let him into the church and for me that was God's way of telling me not to abandon Frodo because I will regret it. I can do saintly things at home. Let's see. My friend Steve suggested I pray for two hours a day. I've manage to do this for two days straight. Wow! What an accomplishment. To me, praying the rosary over and over, becomes kind of soothing that you never want to stop. There are many mysteries to choose from and I try not to get too distracted when Frodo tries to play with the rosary bating it back and forth. I know that this is probably anti religious but I try not to encourage it although I get a kick out of it. I don't think they would allow Frodo into the convent, even if I do get my hopes up about that cat attending mass. Frodo was blessed by Father Ken. Does that mean I have a holy cat? I don't know but I think Frodo knows more about religion than he is telling me. I believe he has secret powers because he so wanted to be apart of my nativity scene, that he knocked over the three kings just to be in the spotlight. When I told my friend's daughter that Frodo had been blessed, she confused the whole thing and asked if Frodo was baptized. If I had my way he would.
When I have company over, he visits everybody by making his rounds and sitting on peoples laps. He especially shows a fondness for Larry. My friends told me, if I go to the convent, Larry can have my cat. I don't think this is a bargain but a cross to carry. My feelings are too strong for my Frodo. Just as Frodo in the movie led the way of the ring, so Frodo my cat leads me in the right path. Who can ask more than that?

Well, I finally made it to the computer. All the cold weather got me down and I spent most of my days indoors with my lovely cat Frodo. Needless to say, by staying indoors, I put on the pounds that even my doctor doesn't mind me losing. But there are so many good recipes out there. I found my love of food having stayed in Vancouver with my sister. She could cook up a storm. I turned vegetarian, so I look for recipes without even fish in them but I do eat things like cheese and eggs. I know of a good vegetarian restaurant on one of the corners of downtown Guelph though I forgot the name of it. I met my sister in Toronto a while back and we walked to a vegetarian restaurant. The waitress was informative; clarifying what it means to be a vegetarian. My ex-boyfriend told me I wouldn't last but I proved him wrong.
Every night, I look into Frodo's eyes and convince myself that by being vegetarian, I am doing the right things. Millions of animals can live by me restricting my diet. Well not millions but you get the idea. I go out with of group of friends each month for a dinner in some restaurant. It is always easy for me to order because there is only one or two dishes that are vegetarian. With all this food on my plate, I thought I'd hit the streets and walk a few miles each day. Some days it's raining and others, the sun is beating hard on you like today although it's still March...well the last day of March. Spring is here and the birds are out in full force, frolicking in the sun and munching on worms. Hopefully, I will shed a few pounds with my daily excursions. I must admit, I got the idea of walking from Cesar Milan and a friend. Cesar goes for a couple of hours walk each day and I started to get in the habit minus the dogs. You see a lot of things when you are walking but nothing too extraordinary.

Depression

It is 1:00pm. Frodo is right by my side lying in my bed. I have already fed him his breakfast but he insist on cuddling with me and is wondering why I am not up. Well, to tell you the truth, I feel I don't have a reason to get up; a reason to live. Yes, thoughts of hurting myself has passed through my mind. Maybe it's because of winter but I look at my watch again and for some reason I think it is two but it is only one. At least the whole day is not shot.
I sit in my bath contemplating weather to put the coffee maker on or just put on my sweats and jog to my pharmacy to get my medication. I put on the coffee and settle down to read Robert Jordon. He wrote fantasy novels but he passed away due to a blood disease and had another author finish his books. There are eleven books in his series. I am on the second, however, I read about six a decade ago. I read a 100 pages and then go for a jog. When I get to the pharmacy, my throat feel like it has a cough. Maybe that's a good thing because it feels like I am pushing myself. I'm addicted to cooking and I have recently put on the pounds. In order to stop me putting on more pounds, I took up jogging. I got the idea to cook from my sister. When I was in Vancouver, I've never ate so well, so I put the scalloped potatoes in the oven for 45minutes and hope for the best. The downfall of my project was that I cut up the potatoes the night before and now they look brown. I tasted it and it tastes ok. I couldn't stay up for another 45minutes last night because I had already taken my medication and it conks me out. Sometimes I can't even hear the telephone ring. The next time I make scalloped potatoes, I will make it at one time so it is more appealing to the appetite. I want to make them for my friend Nella. I have made her eggs Benedict and stuffed mushrooms; both were complimented on. I like to cook for my friend. It lifts my spirits and I like the results but the results don't last long. With the spices added to each dish, it is very hard to keep the dish longer lasting. My depression comes and goes like the waves of the sea. It is very important to ignore the temptations to due myself in. There will be good days and there will be bad days. I just have to ride the waves. It is like "A Tale of Two Cities," by Charles Dickens. The book begins with: "It was the worst of time; it was the best of times."

Most Embarrassing Moments

My German teacher warned us against spitting into other peoples faces when pronouncing your German. But this happened when I was talking to my friend in English. I just carried on like nothing happened. I later mentioned it to my other friend. I wanted to hide my head in a hole.
I am not a great downhill skier but you would think that I would use caution when riding the chair lifts. I sat down beside my friend but obviously, I didn't sit back because when the chair lift moved. I moved too, sliding off my seat and ten feet below on my back I landed into the snow. The chair lift attendant, came too me roaring with laughter and said, "I don't mean to be rude, but that was the funniest thing I saw." I broke down laughing too and waved to my friend who was still in the chair lift.
It is a good morning at my brother's house and I just settled down for a cup of coffee when the subject of snoring was brought up. "I could hear you snoring," my brother said. "I was in the next room!" I exclaimed. The walls are paper thin, I thought to myself. "How humiliating!" I exclaimed.
I got off the Greycoach bus expecting my sister to be there waiting somewhere in front of the Royal York hotel. For an hour I paced up and down in front of the Royal York, and once in a while, I would turn the corner and check if she was there. We were just meeting to have a nice little dinner. There was no sign of her, so I tried to phone her in-laws but the operator said that the number was no longer in service. I had trouble finding the number to begin with because I am just getting used to my bifocals. I walked up to a Starbucks and used the phone beside the store. I tried the in-laws again, hoping I made a mistake but still the operator said that the line was no longer in service. I paced up and down in front of the hotel and it dawned on me to call my other sister, Lucy. I got her voice message and told her where I was and was waiting for my other sister. I waited outside again. At this point I was crying and hoping that the ground would swallow me up if I lied down like the homeless people. I had visions of my sister never finding me and then I would show up on a police report as a missing person. What felt like ten minutes became an hour and I suddenly spotted my sister. Instead of thanking my lucky stars, I ranted and raved like a lunatic. My sister was trying to calm me down and bring me back to the planet. while I was saying I was such an idiot for not having a cell phone. It would be so easy to dial her number and an hour could have been saved. But my sister brought me down to the moment and reality saying that nothing bad happened and it wasn't the end of the world. I thought of going home but we walked to a fabulous vegetarian restaurant called Fresh and had a great dinner. It seemed like my life was over missing my sister but I am glad it wasn't because I would have never have tasted the fresh food at Fresh.

Brunch, a hike and the Art Gallery

My brother John let me sleep in. "You're on holidays. You're allowed to sleep in." I liked his attitude and woke up around nine. My brother, his wife and me went to a diner in downtown Ottawa for brunch. I ordered my favorite; eggs Benedict. I usually indulge myself at home. I love making it and I love the holindase sauce. Sophie, my sister-in-law, couldn't believe that I had to add a cup of butter. That's why it tastes so good. But the dish didn't taste the same as when I mad it. I thought there was a piece of meat with the eggs but Sophie assured me that it was potatoes. I have never made eggs Benedict with potatoes but it was so good. I got the idea of making eggs Benedict from the movie, "Runaway Bride." The runaway bride preferred eggs Benedict to all the ways you can have your eggs in the morning. I usually pick up ideas from movies that I watch over and over again. For example; I love daises because the were Meg Ryan's favorite in "You've Got Mail." I use lines from movies too. John and I often refereed to the movie, "There's Something About Mary," during my trip and laughed so much about it.

The diner was stuck in the fifties and Sophie said that she went to it as a teenager but that it didn't change much. It wasn't fancy but I am used to that being on a low budget. Every month, I go out with a bunch of friends for dinner and I maintain a budget of twenty dollars. That doesn't include drinks which my friends end up buying for me if I really want to take the plunge and go all out.
We then walked to Quebec, which John said it would be about a two hour walk. "What!!!!!" I wasn't up for a two hour walk. But Sophie corrected him and said it is only about twenty minutes. We walked to "The Museum of Civilization." Just our luck; it was closed for some apparent reason. So, we hiked back and went to the art gallery which started off to be really cool. I don't know if you would classify what we were looking at as exactly art but it grabbed our attention. We saw ghost like figures in a setting be it a trailer to a house. The art had something to do with light and a camera. I couldn't figure out how this guy did it. John tried to tell me that this lady waving to us was real and I said, "it can't be." "But she just waved to us," John said. I went right up to the image and found a piece of cardboard. That proved that I was right.
The art I liked the most, was the religious paintings. I stared at them while Sophie and John went somewhere else. "Oh no!" I thought. "I've lost them." But Sophie came up to me and said that she had to do some work and would catch up with us later. I finally found John and he showed me which art he liked the best. He fooled me as he said, "that has to be a..." I was amazed until he said that he was just pulling my leg.
I admired the art gallery and when I got back to Guelph, I wanted to do some art work at home.